Sexual chemistry can’t protect you from someone’s problems that stem from childhood
Ideally, as we mature, the ways we interact and behave in relationships reflect what’s called a secure attachment style. That means we are socially comfortable, trust others, have good self-esteem, and share our feelings with friends and family.
But Dr. Amy (as she is called) cautions us that “if a couple falls down a rabbit hole together to the point of ignoring friends and family while in their love bubble, it usually doesn’t end well.” She adds, “That is, most people don’t come to the table with secure attachments nor are they uber ready right away for a healthy, mature relationship.”
For people who show evidence of a fearful-avoidant attachment style, for example, though they crave love and affection, they don’t trust others and are reluctant to have close relationships. Often this relates to childhood trauma, these individuals struggle with trying to maintain healthy relationships.
According to what Dr. Amy sees in her practice, “Many people have a combination of avoidance or anxious attachment styles. If they still want to explore a relationship with that person, all they need to do is slow it down and pace it out.”
In addition to slowing things down and going at a more organic, less intense pace, the good news is that those having insecure attachment styles can develop a more secure attachment style under the care of and with proper guidance from a mental health professional.
A secure attachment style is possible to develop, but this takes time, care, intention, effort, and the healing of relationship trauma in relationships with yourself and others.
Attachment styles can evolve over time and people with all attachment styles can be in relationships with people who have different attachment styles. This can be healing with awareness, communication, intention, and the openness, willingness, and commitment to heal, change, do things differently, and grow.
When Sexual Chemistry Diminishes
Sexual chemistry can fuel a relationship and eventually lead to intimacy. The physical attraction can help people foster a deep emotional connection later on.
What happens when sexual chemistry diminishes? When the glow of infatuation and attraction dims, and couples see the other’s quirks and faults in the bright light of awareness, that’s when they are tested.
At that point, they can decide if the relationship’s foundation was purely physical and will take them no further. Or do they want to continue down the path of getting to know the other better and perhaps eventually remain together?
Surely, the stressors of everyday life and lack of time may put a dent in the sex life of those who have dated or been together awhile. Work challenges, financial pressures, and the birth of children might negatively impact the carefree sex life that couples had in the past.
Yet, once couples weather the roadblocks that come up as a result of getting to know one another and living a life together, they will hopefully have already developed intimacy, respect, and feelings of love for the other. They can continue to establish a fulfilling relationship while not giving up their sexual selves.
The Role of Intimacy
Intimacy can be defined as a physical, mental, and emotional closeness. Results from a study showed that feelings of intimacy boosted sexual desire between romantic partners. These partners had more sex as a result.
So, it’s clear that feelings of intimacy will enhance any relationship. People can create more feelings of emotional intimacy to improve their relationships and marriages by increasing time together as a couple, turning off electronics, being fully present with one another, and communicating with openness, vulnerability, and honesty.